It's only Wednesday, but it's been a tough  week already for client's of mine who have anxiety. Anxious children have had a hard time getting back to school after the long holiday. Many children seem to have regressed from the progress they fought hard to make before the holidays, causing parents lots of worry. Some children are feeling increased anxiety again around situations that they were easier with before the holiday began, others have developed new symptoms and difficulties. Take Barbara (name and other information changed) for example, a nine year old who came to me in September with classic signs of Separation Anxiety:

1. she was unable to leave home to go to school without crying and begged to stay home
2. she felt panicky  on the school bus and refused to ride it anymore so her mother drove her every day
3. she cried hysterically when her mother tried to drop her off at the front door of school, so Mom had to walk her in
4. she refused to go to class and spent time in the guidance office until she could calm down
5. she would not sleep over at friend's because she missed her mother
6.  she stopped going to parties at all due to separation fears
7. she began to have trouble going to play dates unless her mother stayed with her.

With hard work in therapy for the last three months Barbara began to make changes and by the third week in December:

1. she rarely cried when she left for school—she stated in therapy that she "liked school again"
2. she was often able to go directly to class instead of first stopping at the guidance office
3. her mother did not have to walk her into the building every day
4. she began to take the school bus a few times a week
5. she started going to birthday parties again
6. she went to a sleepover at a neighbor's house

This week when I saw Barbara she and her mother told me that many of Barbara's gains were continuing, such as not crying every morning. Other gains had regressed,  like not wanting to go to an upcoming party. And since Sunday night a new situation had arisen, Barbara was unable to fall asleep on school nights until after midnight, worrying about going to school. The same thing happened on Monday night , she was up until 1:00 am, and Tuesday she actually fell asleep in school. By Tuesday night she was so exhausted that she fell asleep early and slept for 12 hours. Barbara's mother told me in confidence that she feared her daughter was going backwards, and was also frustrated that a new symptom had to be dealt with.

I assured Barbara's mother that this was not the case and reminded her about my first session explanation : that healing her daughter's anxiety would be one step forward, two steps back, but that progress was always taking place and slowly but surely Barbara would overcome anxiety if she engaged in the therapeutic process—and she had. I had a similar talk with Barbara and we listed how far she had come and how proud I was of her hard work. She felt proud too and we set up new goals to work on: getting to sleep easier, going to more parties, and sleeping over a friend's house who lived in another neighborhood. We also played two games of Uno and one of Old Maid—she beat me soundly all three times.

Healing anxiety is a process filled with frustration. Barbara's story shows how  insidious anxiety is—just when you think you've got it beat it manifests into a new form, or old difficulties return. But as long as your child continues in treatment and works on an anxiety program, progress will be made, leading to increased confidence to allow your child to push out into the world in spite of fear.