What a summer this has been. Even before the first book bags, notebooks and lunch boxes appeared on store shelves, I began to see a steady stream of anxious students come in for therapy. I can't remember a summer when anxious kids started coming in so early. Their ages range from 9 to 19. Some felt panicky about going from elementary to middle school, or into high school. Other kids worried that they would continue the same struggles as the previous year which included separation anxiety, test anxiety, poor grades, and social problems. College students came in too, to learn how to cope with feeling overwhelmed about the mountains of work their professors threw at them. Parents worry along with their children often feeling helpless as they watch their child struggle.

Here are tips that you can use to help your child make a smoother transition on those first jittery school days:

1. Communicate—talk to your child about how they feel about school without judgment. Feelings are feelings. Listen without jumping in to fix things.
2.  Stay calm—no matter what your child says remain calm. Your child is worried and is counting on you to be their "rock", to create a solid structure—this will help your child feel safe and to calm down too. Learning belly breathing will help.
3. Understand—don't downplay your child's fears. Don't say. "It's silly to feel that way." Honor your child's feelings.
4. Problem-solve—work as a team with your child. Say, "Together we are going to figure out how to make things better for you—I'm here for you."
5. Guide—encourage your child to become independent through play with other kids, independent play, leave your child with trusted sitters, let them try to work out problems they can manage before you step in to help, model independence in your own life.
6. Build self-worth—build your child's confidence by celebrating your child's unique qualities and talents.
7. Believe—believe in your child's ability to work through problems and overcome adversity—this is empowering for your child. Also believe in your parenting skills, that you can help your child.
8. Prepare—as school approaches prepare your child for school morning routines, make shopping for school supplies fun, visit the school before it starts or go on the school website, find a buddy that your child can go to school with. Make learning an exciting adventure.

There is still time this summer to help your school anxious child to build confidence: have your child learn a skill that has a "wow" factor such as juggling, playing the guitar, becoming a magician, or learning how to ride a horse. Have fun with your child going camping, hiking, biking, and swimming. Do family cook-outs, take trips to the library, build a tree-house. If there is time and money sign your child up for camp, sports, or a summer theater group.

All my best,
Diane