Diane Peters Mayer Blog for Overcoming School Anxiety

Should She Force Her Son To Go Back To School?: A Commitment Mother Seeks Advice On How To Help Her Son Return To School Despite His School Anxiety

Diane Peters Mayer — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:16:00 GMT

Dear Diane,

Thank you so much for answering this reader question. Here is a link to the article: http://www.commitmentnow.com/family-love/your-childs-education/features/more-your-childs-education-articles

If you like, post this link on your web site, blog, Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter pages if it will help publicize the work you are doing to help young people.

Thank you again for sharing your wisdom and insight.

Paula Davis

Book Editor

Commitmentnow.com

Raising kids who are at home with themselves by Annie Fox

Diane Peters Mayer — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:28:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

Here is another great article from Annie Fox. Please send along your comments and questions, they are appreciated.

Enjoy,

Diane

When I was 15 my father died suddenly. Though I continued living at the same address until I left for college, it never again felt like home. That’s probably when I began looking for something that couldn’t be lost or taken away - a feeling of home inside myself.

When you meet someone who is truly at home with herself, she put others at ease by osmosis. Her self-acceptance expands to include accepting you. We are instinctively drawn to such people.

Many of your children will be graduating this spring… from elementary school. From middle or high school. From college. Big changes in store that are best weathered by kids who are at home with themselves so they can be “at home” wherever they are. Accepting of others and new situations.

How well prepared are your children for the next chapter in their lives, whatever it might be? How confident are they in their ability to cope with and adapt to what’s ahead? And what can you do to help and support them throughout? Here are some tips:

How to raise young adults who are at home with themselves

Create a home base that’s a safety net and a launching pad. Home should support a child’s emotional development and nurture his spirit. With a stable, loving and accepting family to return to anything is possible… even venturing into the unknown. Kids who grow up with a strong foundation are like turtles, always carrying their sense of home along with them. Remind yourself often that your parenting goal is to prepare your children for life. That means helping them develop critical thinking skills. It also means acting with compassion, kindness, and generosity of spirit. Whenever you catch your teens doing or saying something that demonstrates these capacities, let them know you approve. It helps them develop a positive self-image, essential for feeling at home with themselves.
Uncertainty is not a dirty word. When you know absolutely what you stand for then you should absolutely take a stand. A great message for adolescents who often let their addiction to peer approval prevent them from doing what’s right. But uncertainty is part of life. Kids brought up to believe that doubt isn’t an acceptable emotion are reluctant to try new things. How can they be at home with themselves if they’re unwilling to experience confusion? How can they be at home in the world if they’re not open to new things that they may not immediately understand? If you truly want them to become self-confident adults who move through life with grace and courage then let them know that it’s okay not to know. Sometimes things become clear after we’ve had the courage to venture forth armed only with uncertainty and a willingness to accept what crosses our path, take it in and learn from it.
Model adaptability and an open attitude. If you tend to be anxious your attitude may be making it more difficult for your kids to feel at home anywhere. Ask yourself these questions:

Do I like surprises?
Do I enjoy: Meeting new people? Eating new foods? Listening to new music? Going to places and doing things I’ve never done before?
Do I take time to notice my surroundings?
Am I critical or suspicious of things/people that are different?
When I’m feeling “out of my element” do I usually: Shut down and withdraw? Become combative and defensive? Have a drink? Crank up the volume of my social self? Acknowledge my discomfort and try to relax and become more openIf you always need to feel in control then challenge yourself to become a bit more flexible. The more open you are to change the more adaptable your kids will be

Travel, as a family. Use a family vacation as an opportunity to step back a bit and let your kids show what they’ve already learned about being at home in the world. Notice their competencies and acknowledge them. And if you’re traveling to a new place, you might take the point of view that you are strangers in a strange land together. As “strangers”, your family has a chance to observe, learn and push the edges of your collective comfort zones. Share your feelings. Yes, being in a strange new place can be scary, but it can also reinforce how strong and capable each of you are.
Encourage independence. As the parent of a tween or teen now is the time for you to be stepping back from center stage where you’ve managed your child’s life for years. It’s your daughter’s or your son’s turn to take over as their own manager. They’ll need that experience when they actually leave home. They’ll also need to know that “home” (including their growing self-confidence, plus your love and everything you’ve taught them) is always right there in their heart, nurturing their spirit.

Annie Fox, M.Ed. is an awardwinning author, educator, and online adviser for parents and teens.AnnieFox.com.

Read excerpts from her books: Too Stressed to Think? and the newMiddle School Confidential™ series. Download (free) her entire book: TeenSurvival Guide to Dating & Relating.Listen to her podcast series"Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting"FamilyConfidential.com

Children and Empathy

Diane Peters Mayer — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:05:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

In today's New York Times I read this wonderful article, "Empathy's Natural, but Nurturing It Helps" written by Jane E. Brody in the Personal Health section--I thought it was worth posting a link to it.

" Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and recognize and respond to what that person is feeling...."

The article discusses the fact that children are born with different capacities for empathy, part of their innate qualities, but that parents and other important adult figures in a child's life can foster empathic behavior in children by modeling it. Examples given are parents or guardians who are sympathetic to the feeling of others and teachers who are warm and affectionate. An effective way for adults to teach children about empathy is the substance and style they use when correcting a child's behavior . The article states: "...recognize the feelings behind a child's behavior...and when trying to correct bad behavior...remain calm, not punitive."

Personal Health - Empathy Is Natural, but Nurturing It Helps ...

Feb 16, 2010 ... Empathy's Natural, but Nurturing It Helps .... Next Article in Health (21 of 31) » A version of this article appeared ... Inside NYTimes.com ...
www.nytimes.com/2010/02/16/health/16brod.html - 3 hours ago

Enjoy, and please send me your comments and questions.

Warm regards,
Diane

Child Development--Language Skills

Diane Peters Mayer — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:21:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

Though not writing actual blogs I will be posting articles from newspapers that I think will be of interest and might be beneficial, along with quests bloggers posting their wonderful information too. Below is a link to an article that appeared in the New York Times on Tuesday, February 9th called: When to Worry if a Child Has Too Few Words by Perri Klass, M.D. Also included at the end of the article are tips for enhancing children's speech and language skills, such as "Read to your child often."

Please enjoy and send along questions and comments.

18 and Under - Assessing a Child's Speech Delay Is Difficult, Yet ...

Feb 9, 2010 ... When to Worry if a Child Has Too Few Words .... Next Article in Health (8 of 43) » A version of this article appeared ... Inside NYTimes.com ...
www.nytimes.com/2010/02/09/health/09klass.html

Warm Regards,
Diane

Schools & Junk Food

Diane Peters Mayer — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:10:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

Below is a link to another article from today's New York Times about the government wanting a ban on candy, soda and other junk food to help fight childhood obesity. Enjoy.

A Federal Effort to Push Junk Food Out of Schools - NYTimes.comFeb 8, 2010 ... A Federal Effort to Push Junk Food Out of Schools ... Next Article in Health (5 of 43) » A version of this article appeared in print on ...
www.nytimes.com/2010/02/08/health/.../08junk.html - 21 minutes ago

Warmly,
Diane

P.S. Please don't forget to add your comments and questions.

Stress Reduction for School Kids "Pass the Squishy"

Diane Peters Mayer — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:59:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

I read this article in the Sunday, Feb 7th New York Times. It contains great information for helping stressed-out kids. Enjoy.

Haven Academy in the Bronx Serves Children From Broken Homes ...

Feb 7, 2010 ... Pass the Squishy. Librado Romero/The New York Times .... Next Article in Education (1 of 33) » A version of this article appeared in print ...
www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/education/07foster.html

Warmly,
Diane

10 Steps For Helping Your Teen After a Melt-Down Or a Blow-Up by Annie Fox

Diane Peters Mayer — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:44:00 GMT

If your teen is upset andwilling to talk to you about what's going on, these steps can help you helphim/her calm down and figure out the next best move. If your teen is not yetready to talk, respect that and check back with him/her later. If your son/daughteris unwilling to talk to you for whatever reason and your gut tells you theyneed to talk to someone... get the help of another adult that you and yourchild trust.

Encourage your teen to ACKNOWLEDGE what he's feeling and what triggered it. He doesn't need to tell you, "I'm stressed/pissed/worried, etc. and here's why." You certainly don't want to pressure him by insisting he puts feelings into words. More stress is not what your teen needs right now! What matters most is that your teen tells himself the truth, AKA "I'm upset about _______." That's much better than pretending he's not upset when clearly he is. Also, naming the emotion and the trigger helps to move your child from a purely reactive place into a more reflective (thinking) place. Exactly where you want him to go.

Your teen needs to STOP. Tell her calmly and firmly to put on the brakes. This is especially important if she's in the middle of an argument on the phone, online, or in the real world. Continuing to fight will only escalate the situation (on both sides). No good will come of it and your teen is more likely to do or say something she will later regret. You are more likely to do the same. So stop yourself from reacting then tell her to STOP. If she won't, you may have to take away the phone or computer for an enforced time out. If she's arguing with you, simply remove yourself from the situation by saying, "I need a break. Let's talk about this later when we've both calmed down." Then make sure you revisit the conversation soon.

Tell your teen to CALM DOWN. Assuming he's put on the brakes on his behavior, he now needs to chill in the emotion department. If your teen asks "Why should I?!" The simple answer is: "Because it's the best thing you can do right now for yourself and the people around you."

Take a BREAK. Or take a walk. Take a nap. Take a shower. Breathe. Count to 50. This advice works for you as well as for your teen. Make sure your teen knows that whatever it takes to calm down is good as long as it's legal, healthy, respectful, and not against your core values. Make sure you model those rules in your own life. Explain that if your teen won't calm down, stress will control them and they won't get to Step #5 where solving their problem really begins.

THINK about your goal. Ask your (now calmer) teen: "What are you trying to do?" In other words: "You've got a situation here... what's your idea for the best outcome?"

Ask: "Does someone need to change in order for you to achieve your goal?" If someone else must start doing something different then your teen's goal is out of her hands. To pursue it is to set oneself up for more stress! Remind your teen that all we can ever control in life is our own response to what's going on. When your teen can identify something she personally can work on, she's ready to proceed to #7...

Ask: "What are your OPTIONS for reaching your goal?" Help your teen make a list of all the options for improving the situation. For each option, encourage him to predict what might happen as a result of choosing that option. Don't evaluate your teen's options! Keep your mouth closed unless he asks for your opinion. Guide him by asking: Will what you're thinking of doing create more or less stress? In you? In a friend? In a group? Important questions to consider before any action is taken! This is an exercise in critical thinking. Let your teen take the lead, think through his options and come to his own conclusions. Your job is to facilitate the process not run it.

Ask your teen to CHOOSE the option that best HELPS the situation. Advise her that options which intentional hurt or embarrass other people, anger them or put you in danger will only make things worse. They'll also create more stress and will bring your teen back to Step #1. Instead, encourage her to move forward. HINT: The option that makes the best sense for improving the situation is usually accompanied by feelings of empowerment and increased self-respect, if not immediately, then in the long run.

TAKE ACTION. Your teen should be ready to act. A viable (and mature) course of action may be to opt out of an ongoing argument. In other words, to choose "not take the bait." In many teen social dramas, this is often an excellent move for your child to decide on. On the surface, it may look like doing nothing, but it actually is accomplishing a lot. And it often takes tremendous courage and/or self-control.

CONGRATULATE your teen for calming down and thinking things through. That's so much healthier and more mature than reacting without thinking.

Annie Fox, M.Ed. is an awardwinning author, educator, and online adviser for parents and teens.AnnieFox.com.

Guest Bloggers Taking Over

Diane Peters Mayer — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:18:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season full of peace and joy. My blog went quiet in mid-November as I began reducing my work load because I found my self crashing and burning--talk about being unaware of self! Blogging and other tasks were crossed off the list, for a while at least.

Then in December a close family member was diagnosed with cancer and my priorities had to be revised again and getting beneficial information out to you, dear readers, was off the list again. But I came up with a solution. I contacted therapists, educators and authors who have already been guests on this blog to write for the Overcoming School Anxiety blog while I am away from it. Happily for me and luckily for you they all agreed.

Topics will extend beyond school anxiety and writers will have links to their websites and books. I am honored to introduce them to you:

Annie Fox - www.AnnieFox.com
Suzanna Narducci - www.TweenParent.com
Elisha Goldstein - www.drsgoldstein.com or www.mentalhelp.net

From time to time other guests will be invited to blog about parent and child issues too.

Please send your questions and comments to my blog or to the guests link.

All my best,
Diane

Interview with Annie Fox

Diane Peters Mayer — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:27:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

You have been introduced to Annie Fox through the podcast of Annie interviewing me. Now it's Annie's turn. I've asked Annie questions about her work with tweens and teens and she has provided all of us with wonderful information.

Annie and I welcome your questions and comments. Enjoy! You can find Annie at www.anniefox.com

Warmly,

Diane

Question: Annie, you are committed to working with children, tweens, teens and parents through your books, speaking engagements and as online advisor, Hey Terra. Please tell us more about these endeavors.

AF: I’ve been an online adviser for tweens and teens for the past 12 years. I get email questions from kids around the world who need help with friendship conflicts, problems with parents, self-esteem issues, the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Zone. Pretty unusual job, I’ll admit. People often ask “How’d you ever get into that?” It was as a direct result of my husband David dragging me, kicking, screaming into the Computer Age in 1976. In 1977 we opened the world’s first public-access educational microcomputer center in San Rafael, CA. For me, the substance of my work has always been about kids and their social/emotional development. Though the form has definitely changed over time I’ve always either worked directly with kids or created content for them (plays, stories, CD ROM games, online games, curriculum, books, websites.) David and I launched my teen website ( theinsite.org ) in June 1997, that lead to books to help teens understand themselves better, seminars to help parents understand their tweens and teens and teacher training. I love to talk and so whenever someone with a microphone invites me over, I go.

Question: What do you think are the greatest challenges tweens and teens face today?

AF: There are several challenges that make 21st century kids so desperate for 21st century parenting (vs. the kind we got). The world is a noisier, faster place and the omnipresence of media is changing childhood. I’m talking about the marketing messages bombarding young kids to be "sexy." I’m talking about the social digital media that doesn’t give them a moment’s peace from the social drama of middle school. I’m talking about parents who are stressed and not as emotionally available as their kids need them to be. I’m talking about the pressure schools put on students to perform on tests without offering much in the way of fostering a love of learning. I’m also talking about the unrelenting homework load and after school schedules that have robbed kids of time to dream and robbed families of time to just be.

Question: Please tell us what problems parents of tweens and teens ask about at your speaking engagements?

AF: Parents often ask “How can I get my son/daughter to be more respectful, more responsible?” I think the answer often lies in how clear the expectations are for a teen’s behavior in the family and when they are out on their own with friends. When it comes to respect, well, that’s a two-way street. Calling a teen “lazy” or “useless” out of frustration is no way to garner respect. Likewise, telling your child you’ll pick her up at 4:30 and not get their until 4:45, isn’t a great formula for teaching responsibility. I’m not saying that all the problems parents have with tweens and teens are the parents’ fault. No way! I’m simply saying that when parents lose sight of their parenting objectives (to raise an independent, emotionally resilient, responsible, compassionate, respectful young adult… or whatever traits you’re going for) and they don’t have a parenting “curriculum” that daily re-inforces their objectives rather than undermines them, then they are, in fact, contributing to whatever conflicts they’ve got with their son or daughter.

Question: Knowing that the tween and teen years can be confusing and unsettling for parents as well as kids, would you give readers some tips that could help parents to communicate and connect with their tweens and teens in positive ways?

AF: Here are my top ten tips for Improving Parent-Teen Relationships:

Remember that you are the parent — Your job is to protect your child and prepare him/her to become a fully functioning adult. Being a leader and a compassionate teacher is more important than being your teen’s friend.
Remain calm — Nothing gets resolved when stress makes it impossible to think clearly. Can’t respond rationally? Then take a break until you can.
Talk less and listen more — Just like the rest of us, teens want to be respected and heard. Be a "safe" and available person to talk to.
It’s a balancing act — A key challenge in parenting teens is to remain emotionally connected while granting your kids more privacy and autonomy.
They’re always watching – Want your teen to be trustworthy, responsible, and compassionate? Make sure you're modeling those values in your own life.
Make your expectations clear and be consistent with your follow-through — If kids know the consequences ahead of time and they’ve bought into the rules of the house, they're more likely to make healthy choices.
Catch your teen in the act of doing something right — Praise shows that you noticed their efforts. It also promotes a feeling of competency.
Be real — Father/mother does NOT always know best. Admit your own confusion and mistakes. Apologize when appropriate. Show your kids that just like them, you too are also “a work in progress.”
Regularly create time to enjoy being a family — Having regular meals together and relaxing, unplugged from digital technology, is a gift with long-lasting benefits.
Lighten up! — Humor is a great de-stressor. Remember, no one stays a teen (or the parent of a teen) forever!

Question: Annie, please tell us about any upcoming books and other activities readers would be interested in

AF: What’s Up With My Family? Book 3 of my Middle School Confidential series will be published in January. I’m currently working on Book 4 (It’s about school.) The other thing I can let you in on is that I’ll be presenting at the 16th Annual Character plus Conference in St. Louis in June 2010.

Tweens and School Resistance Interview from AnnieFox.com

Diane Peters Mayer — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

Annie Fox has a great website (www.anniefox.com) and book series called Middle School Confidential, both of which I refer to parents of the tweens and teens I see in my therapy practice.

Recently, Annie interviewed me for her readers and that podcast is linked on this blog. Annie and I welcome your comments and questions, and I urge you to bookmark her site. You may listen by clicking here.

Thanks so much.

Warmly,

Diane

Interview with Suzanna Narducci of TweenParent.com

Diane Peters Mayer — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:13:00 GMT

Dear Parents,
I am happy to introduce Suzanna Narducci co-founder of a wonderfully informative website and publication for parents of pre-adolescents. Please enjoy the interview and both Suzanna and I look forward to your questions and comments.

Warmly,
Diane

What inspired you to start TweenParent.com?

I’d always felt that parents of middle school aged kids were short changed. There is so much information available about parenting in the baby and toddler years. Once kids start to become independent, at a time when they need their parent’s guidance the most, there are very few resources that focus on the issues unique to this age group.

The inspiration for the site came four years ago when I heard another parent voice concerns about kids posting inappropriate pictures on social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. As most parents, at that time, had no idea that these sites existed, they didn’t know what to look for or have the knowledge to understand the pitfalls of social networking. Clearly, a resource was needed for parents. I approached friend, Judy King-Murray, with the concept and we developed TweenParent.com.

Why do you think that it is so important to have a publication dedicated specifically to this age group?

The tween years bridge the gap between the kid years and the teen years. During this time, kids become more independent, their peers’ opinions gain increased value, expectations in school and extracurricular activities ramp up, they are exposed to the cyber world, they are increasingly aware of media influences, and in some cases tweens experience pressure from peers related to alcohol and sex. At TweenParent.com, our goal is to give parents the information they need about the pressures their kids face and what they need to consider when guiding them through this stage of development.

What does the site offer parents?

TweenParent.com has a library of articles that covers everything related to tweens from serious parenting issues to fun things to do as a family. Each week we send out a newsletter that features two new articles. We have a section called Tween Lingo that keeps parents up to date with the latest slang, IM and texting definitions. Most importantly, two moms run the site. Judy and I are all about keeping it real and encourage other parents to give us feedback. We want to write about all the challenges parents face during the tween years.

What benefits do you hope parents will gain from reading TweenParent.com?

The move to middle school often means that parents become less involved in their kids’ lives at a time when kids are faced with increased pressure from the outside world and start wanting more independence. Parenting during these years is tough. We want to offer tools to help moms and dads build a strong and trusting relationship with their kids, both through serious parenting advice and fun ways to enjoy family time. We also want to give parents the information they’ll need to lay the foundation with their tweens for good decision-making in the teenage years and beyond. After all, the end goal for parents is to raise well-adjusted, confident, and independent young adults.

What advice do you have to help parents build a good relationship with their preteen?

I think that the most important thing parents can do is to learn how to listen to their kids. By asking open-ended questions and making sure that they’ve really heard what their preteens have to say, parents create the opportunity to better know and understand their kids. This skill will come in handy when parents have to set limits. When kids ask for fewer restrictions, parents can engage them in the process -- hear why this privilege is important to your preteen, if you have concerns voice them. Ask your preteen to suggest a compromise that will make you both feel comfortable. Parents may still say “no,” but making your child feel heard and understood will help ease the disappointment. Aside from learning how to listen, I believe that it is important to share family values with your kids and spend time with them. Knowing that they have their parents’ love and support gives preteens the resilience they need to carry them through tough situations.

A few comments from parents and professionals about TweenParent.com:

TweenParent.com is an excellent resource with a plethora of information to help parents receive and share advice and support from and with a savvy community. I highly recommend it for all parents of tweens to help them navigate through these challenging years. -Jackie L. Cohen, LCSW MEd, Child/Adolescent Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis

Parenting a tween is a complicated job. Tweenparent provides me with insightful, timely, and concise information that helps make that job easier. It's my "go-to" resource whenever I have a question about tween issues. And I always learn a fresh idea or tip with the newsletter. -Christine Beattie, mom of a tween

Like a lot of parents, I'm busy. I happen to be in the book publishing industry, so I also often have more reading than I can possibly get through. And yet every time the Tweenparent newsletter comes, there is always an article of real use and/or interest to me. It's such an easy, focused, and reliable newsletter that it breaks through the clutter and it's a low-key, warm community I really value. -Laura Dail, Literary Agent and mom of a tween

Overcoming School Anxiety review on Metapsychology Online Reviews

Diane Peters Mayer — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:16:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

Today, Metapsychology Online Reviews posted a wonderful review of my book by Anthony R. Dickinson, Ph.D and Lucillal Lau. I am honored that they have done so. Dr. Dickinson is a distinguished academic neuroscientist, educator and the President and Research Director of People Impact International, Inc. Ms. Lau is a training consultant for People Impact Consulting (Asia) Ltd.

Metapsychology Online Reviews is a site I would recommend bookmarking for future reference--new reviews are posted weekly. The site allows for comments about the reviews on their blogs.

Review - Overcoming School Anxiety - Childhood Disorders

Oct 20, 2009 ... by Diane Peters Mayer AMACOM, 2008 ... anxiety-provoking experiences common to children of school ages, including separation anxiety, worry, ...
metapsychology.mentalhelp.net/.../view_doc.php?... - 3 hours ago - Similar -

Warm regards,
Diane

Tweens: Understanding Chronic Anxiety

Diane Peters Mayer — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:43:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

One of my favorite websites, Tweenparents.com, started by two moms, has invited me to write a series of articles about tweens and anxiety. Tweenparents.com is an online publication devoted specifically to pre-adolescents and their parents and offers parents: a library of articles relating to tweens, a weekly newsletter and a feature called "Tween Lingo" that helps parents keep up with slang, IM and texting definitions. Feedback and ideas for articles are welcome too.

Article number two is linked below and inlcudes a link to my first article in the series:

TweenParent.com: Parenting Source for Tweens, Pre-teens, Middle School
Why is My Tween Afraid to Leave Home? Understanding Chronic Anxiety. Source: Diane Peters Mayer. (6 ratings).
It's puzzling and scary for Ryan's parents. ...
www.tweenparent.com/ -

Both Tweenparents.com and I invite you to comment and send in questions you may have about your tween.

Warm regards,
Diane

Overcoming School Anxiety--Family Review Network

Diane Peters Mayer — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:32:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

The Family Review Network is a wonderful group of parenting websites offering book and product reviews books, and featuring information about parenting. Many of the bloggers from this network were kind enough to review my book. Please check out these sites and bookmark those you like. Here is the review posted about my book from their main site:

Overcoming School Anxiety : Family Review Network

- 4:27amOct 15, 2009 ... Fortunately psychotherapist Diane Peters Mayer has done the research and has created a book called Overcoming School Anxiety to help parents ...
familyreviewnetwork.com/?p=2220 - Similar -

Thank you Family Review Network!

Warm regards,
Diane

Interview With Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D

Diane Peters Mayer — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

I'm so pleased to introduce you to Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D, who explains in his interview how his integration of psychotherapy and mindfulness practice is benefical for easing stress, anxiety, depression and other conditions, as well as adding to overall health for mind and body.

Please enjoy and I look forward to your questions and comments.

Additional links to his sites: www.mentalhelp.net and www.drsgoldstein.com

Thanks,
Diane

Question: Research shows that millions of children, adolescents and adults are stressed out and developing anxiety disorders each year at an alarming rate. As therapists we see this played out daily in our practices. Please tell us what you think are the reasons behind this phenomena?

EG: There are a few reasons I believe anxiety has been on the rise.

There is simply more access to more information than ever before. I believe that because our evolutionary make-up is to steer clear of danger, we are drawn to attend to it. Our media certainly picks up on it and capitalizes on it to sell advertisements for money. Because kids and adults have greater access to media than ever before through cell phones, televisions, and the internet they are exposed to greater "catastrophes" like war, economic failure, and a variety of epidemics than ever before. This is one reason, I believe we're seeing greater anxiety.
Another reason is because we are a culture that is extremely judgmental and difficult to belong to. What do I mean by that? From a very young age we are told we need to look a certain way, talk a certain way and do "cool" things or else we are an outcast. At the very basis of our being we long for belonging. When our sense of belonging is threatened, as it can easily be in our culture, great fear arises.

If you don't have the right body, the right hair, or the right "bling" you can be an outcast. In recent years this has been exacerbated like never before as so many of us are drawn to be like celebrities and the gossip culture. It may seem "fun" and "cool", but at the end of the day, I think there are very subtle messages we ingest of what and how we need to be to belong. There is a lot of stress around that.
It seems that there is a greater emphasis on competition from an earlier age. We're seeing less playtime and more testing. I believe that breeds anxiety, people, not just kids, need more play.

Question: Your therapy is a combination of traditional psychotherapy and mindfulness. Why did you integrate the two and what are the therapeutic benefits?

EG: The truth is, traditional psychotherapy already incorporates mindfulness, it's just not as explicit or structured with it. Mindfulness is the ability to intentionally pay attention the present moment while setting aside our automatic lenses of judgment. It's about learning to be in the here and now and live less in our heads which are often swimming with worries about the future of wishing for a different past.

In my own life, I have found a mindfulness practice to be extraordinarily beneficial. And the little secret that many therapists don't explicitly tell is that most of us get into this business partly to explore our own lives and also to support others in doing the same. So, I have found in my own life that mindfulness is integral to my psychological health. A formal practice involves me setting some time aside for 5, 15, or 30 minutes (or more sometimes), to do a particular meditation practice. The informal practice is about how to weave this into the activities I'm already doing during the day (e.g., taking a shower, walking, listening to friends, eating, etc...).

The benefits are shown in the feedback from people I work with and also in a growing amount of research that has show the practice to significantly help with stress, anxiety, depressive relapse, bipolar mood symptoms, pain management, relationships, and much much more. It's amazing what can happen when we learn to be more present to our lives. Brain research has been showing us that what and how we pay attention has affects on the growth of our brains. Yes, our brains continue to grow, so if we practice anxiousness, that is the pathways our brain lays down, if we practice being present and compassionate, those are the qualities we cultivate.We learn how to relate to ourselves in a new way, with greater compassion and less judgment which often exacerbates our symptoms.

Question: Please give us an example of how you begin to help an anxious child? How do you help adults?

EG: With an anxious you can help them learn how to regulate their breathing. Put a favorite small stuffed animal on their bellies and ask them to make it go up and down. Or call it "balloon breath." It's the parents who can model this to their children the most. If the parents are on their blackberries, computers, televisions or worrying a lot out loud when the kids are home, the kids will learn to be distracted and worry. When out on a walk, ask the kids what they see, hear, taste, smell, and touch. Get them to observe and describe these things one by one, helping them to become more aware and present. The instructions are simple, but not always easy.

With adults, I help them integrate both formal and informal practices into daily life. In one on one work, we work on becoming aware of the parts of the self that have been cast out or that are avoided. Through this work, people learn how to relate to these parts of themselves differently and cultivate greater self acceptance, calm and effectiveness in daily life. I have multiple Mindfulness-Based CDs for Stress, Anxiety, and Depression or Addiction and Relapse Prevention or Success and Stress Reduction at Work. I also have an upcoming CD that I produced called Mindful Solutions for Adult ADD/ADHD with Psychiatrist Lidia Zylowska, M.D.. I also co-authored A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook and this is coming out in February, 2010. These are wonderful resources to get adults started on cultivate a practice in daily life.

Health Benefits of Pets

Diane Peters Mayer — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

In today's New York Times I came across an article by Carla Baranaukas, titled, "Exploring the Health Benefits of Pets." Ms. Baranaukas discusses the connection between an 11 year old boy with autism and his service dog, and takes a broader look at service dogs and the people they help. The author also writes about the new research beginning which focuses on the benefits of animal and child interaction.

For those of us who are animal lovers and have pets we know how much they mean to us and do for us--no study needs to tell us that. My mother who had Alizheimer's was in a nursing home the last four years of her life. During those years she lost the ability to speak or make any sound at all. By that time she did not recognize her family. While I was visiting her one day, a therapy dogs came to visit. When I gently placed my mother's hand on the dog and had her stroke it, all of a sudden my mother brightened and let out a sound. No human interaction with her family members was able to elicit that kind of reaction--but a dog could.

The article link follows for your enjoyment and information:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/06/health/06pets.html

Please comment and post stories about your experiences with animals to share with readers.

Regards,

Diane

Overcoming School Anxiety Interview

Diane Peters Mayer — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

I am pleased to announce that Tamar E. Chansky, Ph.D will be our second interviewee in November. Dr. Chansky is the author of the best selling books:

"Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking"
"Freeing Your Child From Anxiety"
"Freeing Your Child From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder"

Please visit Dr. Chansky's websites and blogs at:

www.freeingyourchild.com and www.worrywisekids.org

Regards,
Diane

Hard Wired to Worry?

Diane Peters Mayer — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:41:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

The past Sunday's New York TImes magazine featured an article titled "Understanding the Anxious Mind" written by Robin Marantz Henig. The question the article asks is a question that experts have pondered over for decades. Marantz Henig puts it this way: "Is it the economy and terrorism that are making you nervous? Or is it the way you're hard-wired?"

The author presents the findings of Jerome Kagan's and others longitudinal studies about nature vs. nurture, and their quest for treatment options for anxious children and adult. A wonderful article that is worth the read. Click here to read it.

All my best, and I look forward to your comments.
Diane

Millions of children with school anxiety

Diane Peters Mayer — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:37:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

Fall is here in the northeast—the leaves are turning golden, mums and pumpkins are popping up in gardens, plants are dying back (no more weeding, yay!), and the air is crisp and chilly in the morning now when I take my dog, Benny, out for a run. It’s my favorite time of the year. But for the millions of children with school anxiety, they’ve been suffering now for over a month, making their daily school experience a nightmare.

Kids are starting to come in to my practice in droves with test and homework anxiety; fears that they haven’t been able to make friends or last years BFF’s aren’t talking to them anymore; and worries about falling behind in class work. Many of these children are developing separation anxiety and the panicky symptoms they experience are frightening them. It’s hard for a child to cope when you’re heart feels like it’s pounding out of your chest, your stomach hurts every school morning, and you feel a sense of dread that can’t be explained to your parents or teachers, or even yourself. You just know that going to school feels like “death” as one 5th grader said to me recently. Because you can’t just think anxiety away, many of these kids are falling into depression too.

This past September I was interviewed about school anxiety by Lisa Stroyan and Amy Makice, both moms and professionals who created the website, Parenting for Humanity, where they discuss “empathic, respectful, non-punitive parenting” on blogs, on BlogTalkRadio, in workshops and podcasts.

In case you missed my interview I’m including the podcast on this post as well as links to the Parenting for Humanity website, blogs and other podcasts.

Please enjoy and join the discussion on my blog or theirs.

Regards,

Diane

Overcoming School Anxiety on Parenting Blog

Diane Peters Mayer — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:27:00 GMT

Dear Readers,

This just popped up on Google. Thanks to the Loving Heart Mommy blog for reviewing my book--check out this neat website.

Best,
Diane

Loving Heart Mommy: OVERCOMING SCHOOL ANXIETY: How to Help Your Child Deal With Separation, Tests, Homework, Bullies, Math Phobia, and Other Worries by Diane Peters Mayer. ... www.lovingheartmommy.com